Are You My Mummy?
by SailorSilvanesti
Summary: An urgent transmission from two overdue crewmembers and an emergency medical beam-out later, Janeway & Chakotay are literally left holding the babies... Tom Paris and Harry Kim have an intriguing tale, and try to adapt to being parents. Implied MPreg...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or Star Trek: Voyager, I merely toy with their characters on occasion by placing them in strange and unusual stories...like this one!^^**

**This story is a rather strange concoction of my weird mind; Rated for mild violence, adult themes and really unwanted Slash. [Seriously, this will make sense in later chapters] **

**However, the characters all maintain original relationships.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: Why the Captain was Cooing…<strong>

**~)0(~**

Janeway laid the steaming coffee cup down on the arm of her Command Chair, glaring at it on distaste and something approaching hatred…

Turning in agitation to her right, she craned her neck and asked Tuvok, "Commander, any sign of our rogue operatives?" she grinned as he raised an eyebrow in the classic, Vulcan equivalent of '_Are you kidding, what do you think I've been doing?_'

Instead, he shook his head and answered in his signature monotone, "No, Captain. Sensors do not indicate their vessel has not left the designated system, nor have they attempted hailing us at any point. All frequencies are open and being monitored, in the event they are attempting to do so."

In a slightly more…to use an inappropriate word…_human_ tone, he stated calmly, "I am certain they are fine, Captain. Both Ensign Kim and Lieutenant Paris have shown significant maturity in recent times that demonstrated their ability to carry out such a task. If they have been delayed by the delegates, as is most logically the case, there is no sense expending worry over their extended departure."

Janeway gaped for a moment, mind searching for an answer and coming up, an unsatisfying, blank. Chakotay leaned over his own chair and whispered, "He's got you there…I've known you to be so anxious, is it about the Maltarans? I know their ideas were a little…strange, but they did ask for our help and we did send the best available…"'

Kathryn closed her mouth and smiled, Tuvok nodded and returned his attention to the console before him as the doors to the Turbo-Lift splayed open with a mechanical hiss, revealing Neelix and what they all assumed to be one of his newest creations…considering the beam of pride he wore…and the pungent smell of burning…whatever-it-was, filing the Bridge.

"Mr Neelix, what have you been told about bringing food on the Bridge…?" she asked, standing to look at him full-on; he fidgeted and gave a mighty Talaxian pout, but brightened, "I know, Captain, but…just wait till you've tried my Tarkalien Casserole, made from fresh ingredients! It is a refined taste, but for those who do have the required palate, it is_ exquisite_!"

Overtly praying to a God or Gods she didn't believe in for a miracle, Katheryn was surprised when they answered, slinging a giant cosmic helping hand in her direction…

~)0(~

"Captain, I am detecting the Delta Flyer incoming at Warp 1," intoned the Vulcan, fingers dancing over the numerous blinking lights of the Ops console keypads and datascreens. "They are hailing us…"

Near-jolting out of her chair, Janeway turned and pointed along with a stern, "On Screen!" before swinging back to face the viewscreen; Tuvok cut through her thoughts again, "Their vessel appears damaged, audio only."

He keyed in something else and looked up as a familiar static hiss and crackle echoed around the Bridge, grating the nerves of those on duty; Janeway called, "Tom, Harry…can you hear me? Please Respond."

There was a moment of silence, before a heavily distorted voice answered, "Ye_-#ksssh#,_ Captain! We are currently _#kshhhhtttttt!#_ from Voyag_-#sssh#,_ Taken on damage. Life-support fai_-#ooossssh!# _Request Emergency Beam-out for f_-#fsssssh!#-_r…" came the panicked tones of Tom Paris' voice. Harry could be heard in the background of the transmission, and…was that a wail?

"I'm sorry, Tom. How many did you say?" she asked again for clarity, and Harry responded, "Four, ma'am, there's us and two in_-#fssssh#! …-eed the Doctor…#ksssssssh…#_" And the rest of the transmission was lost in crashing static.

Janeway frowned, "Either, their Transmitter Array was damage in whatever fire-fight they got themselves into, or they pissed off the wrong people and we'll be lucky to get them back in one piece…Tuvok, can you get a transporter lock on them?"

He nodded in the affirmative, scrutinising the screens before him, "Yes Captain, they are within acceptable beaming range." She nodded, "Good, do it. Have the Doctor meet us in Transporter Room 2; Chakotay, you're with me! Tuvok, you have the Con." And so saying, she strode out…

~)0(~

"…really don't see why people never tell me what's going on around here! And I- Captain! There you are, maybe you would be so kind as to informing me…what exactly is the nature of the Medical Emergency?" stated the Doctor, rounding a corner and heading straight for the Captain and Chakotay; Janeway felt him fall into step beside her. She remained silently impassive as they continued along the corridor, eyes forwards.

~)0(~

The familiar whining-hum of the transporter filled the still air, small specks of blue light shimmered in swirling spirals…but did not quickly reassemble their missing crewmen, as would usually be the case…

Instead, Ensign Kuran - an enterprising young man from Russia, with an advanced degree in Transport Technology from Starfleet Academy- stared at his console in shock… "C-Captain, I don't think…there seems to be some trouble distinguishing the bio-signs of each individual…I-I can't get a lock on…Wait! Transport in Progress…"

The humming-whine increased to a feverish pitch, and two shapes began to take form…"We have them, Captain!" sighed the relieved Ensign, all-but-sagging against the console; there were horror stories told at the Academy about all the potential things that could go wrong mid-Transport…and he never wanted to see any of them! Thankfully, today his wish was granted…

Two distinct forms solidified on the pads, each cradling something carefully in their arms; even shielding them from the hard metal of the platform as the pair half-turned and crumpled to the ground, unconscious…

~)0(~

Remaining as clinically calm as his programing allowed, The Doctor walked over to the prone figures and ran a tricorder over the closest one; pausing, and paying particular attention to the gurgling bundle in Mr Paris's arms. He made a little humming noise in the back of his throat, surprised, though not allowing his expression to show it.

Moving over to the yellow-and-black clad body of Mr Kim, looking rather splendid in his dress uniform, though a little pale…and ran the scanner over him, pausing again, to marvel at the readings he was receiving from the bundle.

He turned swiftly, "Captain, I recommend an Emergency Medical Beam out to the Sick Bay, as soon as physically possible for both men; although, I would prefer not to re-transport their travelling companions…it would be too much of a shock to their immune systems to do so again in such a short period of time.

So, for that matter, if you and the Commander wouldn't mind carrying the babies…?"

And, in a scintillating display of light, he and the two unconscious crewmembers disappeared; leaving two gurgling infants wrapped upon the transporter pad, and a very surprised looking Captain in his wake.

~)0(~

"Hello, _you_…" she cooed at the child, mildly uncomfortable but finding it was quite pleasurable to be holding the baby; it was young, probably only a days old, but still she reached out and grabbed the Captain's finger. "Chakotay…Chakotay, look at what she's doing!" she whispered in excitement.

The Commander looked up from the infant he held…and had been making funny faces at…to grin at her, "She's adorable, makes me wish I had one of my own…but the question remains, where did they come from? Who were there parents? And-"

"And why did two of our crewmen arrive back from a diplomatic mission with them, under heavy fire? Your answer is as good as mine…we'll just have to wait for them to wake up before we get any answers, until then…_Who's a cutey_?" she addressed the baby in her arms…

Crewmembers from all over the ship paused on their way to quarters and stations, that day; only to stare in surprised confusion as the Captain and Commander wandered by, each cooing at the infants in their arms…

**TBC**

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><p><strong>Please Review, I would love to hear from you.<strong>

**Next Chapter: Where did the Babies come from? What happened at the 'Peace Talks'?**

**Find out that and more!**

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	2. Chapter 2: Babies are NOT Footballs

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, Star Trek: Voyager or any of it's characters...merely borrowing them and placing them in ridiculous circumstances when the situation calls for it...**

**This Chapter: Whilst not directly involved in the main story, key facts are revealed; I would like to point out that I really wanted to also factor in some of the main crew's interaction with the babies...so, here is the EMH at his prime...XD**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Babies are NOT Footballs…<strong>

**~)0(~**

There must be an anomaly in his programming…yes, that was it…there was no way such a sophisticated piece of technology –such as himself- should be experiencing these strange…_urges_…

And yet the miniature creatures lay there, gurgling softly and looking at him; resulting in the over-bearing urge to simply fling the Medical Tricorder over a shoulder, pick them up and make strange, nonsensical noises at the infants. Which was highly illogical for the EMH…

EMH…as in Emergency _Medical_ Hologram, not Emergency Holographic Baby-Sitter!

Still…it was…aesthetically pleasing…to have the babies under his care; and there appeared to be no long-standing effects of the fire-fight, or indeed, the strenuous transportation they had undergone…

So, he supposed, it would be perfectly _fine_ –_from a medical perspective_- if he were to pick one or the other up to…examine…yes, _examine_...them. After all, he couldn't be too careful, what with their diminished immune systems at this vulnerable age…

He brusquely tapped in a command to the Humidi-crib's command pad, watching in smug satisfaction as the lid-clasps made a small clicking noise and hissed open. Glancing casually over his shoulder, to generally ascertain there was no other present, he leant down and picked up the nearest infant…

~)0(~

In partially-maternal panic, Captain Janeway all-but-careened into Voyager's Sick Bay…only to pull up short in surprise…

In the center of the room full of bio-beds and hypo-sprays, stood the Doctor, making the most amusing faces and non-sensical words at the infant he held in both hands, looking right into his eyes.

It was rather adorable…but she wasn't going to tell him that, just yet…

Instead, favouring leaning against a console, both arms loosely crossed at the wrist, hands dangling over the edge…smiling. After a significant period of time had passed, during which he had exchanged the children and continued babbling in the strange language he seemed to have developed –it wasn't like any baby talk, she'd ever heard!- Kathryn gave a small, polite…_cough_…

Babies were never meant to fly, but if they had been on Earth, Kathryn could have sworn the little girl nearly went into orbit as the startled Doctor flung his hands up in surprise. As it was, she did a pretty impressive impression of a football; sailing through the air…to land in the Doctor's arms again, as he rematerialized half-way across the room. Face-to-Face with his Captain…

"Ah…Captain Janeway…I, _ah_, I wasn't expecting to see you here quite so soon, I haven't finished analysing the results of-…" There was a sharp beeping noise, he passed the infant to Kathryn and turned away, striding across the Sick Bay to his office, where the console was flashing urgently…

His holographic face drained of colour…and Janeway realised someone had been tinkering with his programming and mentally reminded herself to get B'Lanna to run a few diagnostics on the EMH, later. Aloud, however, she asked, "Something wrong, Doctor…?"

He frowned, "Captain…Kathryn…there is…I am actually not sure how to put this, there is nothing in my database to suggest it is physically possible in Humans…"

Janeway grew impatient, lacing the feeling into the single half-query, half-command she issued, "Doc-_tor_?" Her eyebrow was raised, hands settled firmly on her hips and body language simply screaming, _Spit it out, already!_ Though as a Captain and high-ranking officer, she would never deign herself to yell at him…throttle maybe…but never yell.

"I-I think it would be best if I re-ran the scans, there may have been an anomalous reading in the initial scan. Although, I would wait to ask the intrepid Lieutenant Paris and Ensign Kim, _exactly_ **what**, they were doing on that planet!"

He brusquely turned away, muttering under his breath about something defying logic…Janeway sighed, rolled her eyes at his melodramatics and turned to leave…when she heard-

~)0(~

He moaned.

Everything felt as if it were on fire, and there was a significant chance he was going to be sick…which would just ruin his day completely… Moving cautiously, he wriggled on the familiar surface, a bio-bed, oh yeah…he would know that sensation anywhere; what with B'Elanna persuading the rest of the Crew to vote him, "Ensign Most Likely Find the Bad Things in the Dark" two years running…

Very confidence inspiring…he wheezed out a laugh, immediately regretting it… Then there were people by the bed, a soft hand clasping his own questing one, "Harry…? Harry! I need you to listen to me, can you open your eyes for us?" came the soothing tones of the Captain, she sounded worried and quite stressed. So the little Ensign in his brain flipped his 'obey all commands given' switch, forcing him to crack open his eyes…

He groaned, flinging a protective arm over his face to shield from the lights. A clinical voice instructed, "Computer, decrease internal luminescence by 60%...is that better Mr Kim?"

Peering out from under his arm, slightly more cautiously this time, a weak smile spread over his face, "Y-Yeah, thanks…Doc." He muttered, gratefully, making to sit up; he was gently but firmly pressed down, "Ensign, you will remain where you are until I have finished scanning you! When you arrived, two of your lungs had pierced your right lung and you were bleeding internally. Which is no surprise, considering it appears both Mr Paris's and your internal organs have been-…"

~)0(~

Harry sprang upright again, "But, what about Vala? She-…" The Doctor casually pushed him back down, "Your daughter is fine…Vala, what a nice name…did you think of it?" he hummed, distracted and not really paying attention. Janeway's mouth was all-but hanging wide open…this changed, _everything_…

As they fussed over the Ensign, a raspy, dejected voice rose from directly behind them, "Excuse me, but why does he get the Welcome Committee? The main attraction is over here!" The Captain whirled to find Tom Paris gazing accusingly at her, and attempting to bore a bleary hole in The Doctor's back…although it didn't seem to be working…

Harry laughed at him. "Guess I just beat you again…Paris…" he smiled, looking through the gap made by the two officious bodies; Tom nodded, as if absorbing the whole statement with deep thought…then spoiled the effect by loudly asking, "Any chance we can replicate ice-cream?"

He ducked as Harry –somehow- managed to hurl a nearby hypo-spray at his head, "Selfish…aren't you forgetting something…? Some_one_…?" he asked the Lieutenant pointedly. To which he received a blank look…

~)0(~

Tom gasped, bolting upright as well, "Oh…_Xander_?" he half-yelled, half-asked the general room's population…the Doctor stared at him, "Your son is fine! Now, please, Mr Paris…lie down on the bed and try not to aggravate your injuries, I only just finished regenerating the muscles around your right shoulder and left hip. It seems you dislocated the shoulder and had some form of implement embedded in your thigh, can you remember what it was exactly…?

No, lie down, as in lie upon the bio-bed like a good little Lieutenant or I'll sedate you…" Stated The Doctor, glaring at the pilot, who humbly obeyed, spark of rebellion in his eye…and a considerable amount of throbbing from everywhere else…

_**TBC...**_

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><p><strong>Mwahahahahaaaaaaaaa! Yes, I did stop it at a strange point, more revelations in the next chapter; however, it is 1:20am so, I bid you all, Goodnight!^^<strong>

**PLEASE READ & REVIEW! [The more Reviews = the faster I post...]**

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	3. Chapter 3: If the Maternity Test Fits!

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own nor will I ever, the most magnificent show on the planets/Universe...StarTrek: Voyager...I merely shove them all out in the Delta Quadrant and put them in ridiculous situations for my own amusement.**

**Sense, this makes some.**

**Also, thanks to all my Reviewers, especially _Juddysbuddy_ for pointing out I have accidentally been spelling Kathryn, B'Elanna and Tuvok wrong...thanks for pointing that out, and I have corrected the previous chapters as well.^^**

**Please Read & Review.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: If the Maternity Test Fits!<strong>

**~)0(~**

Her commbadge chirped, and she tapped it in acknowledgement, "Go ahead." Chakotay's voice came through clearly, "Captain, we've been contacted by the Maltarans, demanding the return of both the infants and our crewmembers, something about…Creation rights? We need you on the Bridge."

Janeway paused before delivering her verdict, mulling over the situation carefully. "Chakotay, you stall them for as long as possible, Harry and Tom have just woken up and I would prefer to stay with them. The Doctor has revealed an…interesting…complication, see if you can find out what they are on about, but most of all, keep them talking!

I will be there shortly. Janeway out." She tapped the badge again and it cut off their connection. She turned back on the room at large and gazed pointedly at the Doctor, her expression unmistakeable and mildly impatient.

"Alright, assuming these infants are somehow genetically linked to Mr Paris and Mr Kim, who are the children's mothers…?" she asked, slight puzzlement marring her forehead in a gentle frown. To which the Doctor raised an eyebrow and simply stated, "You're looking at them…" before turning back to where he stood running a scanner over Tom.

Taking a mere moment to digest the shocking information, the Captain closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "Alright…then who are the-…the fathers?" she faltered slightly, asking the strangest question she'd ever had to ask in the span of her Captaincy…

Again, the Doctor turned on her; eyebrow raised and stated, "You're looking at them."

This time, Kathryn couldn't even keep a straight face…

~)0(~

"…and I do not care for your petty words of Banter, Human, I would to have the _Mai'ka'shar_ and their offspring returned to us, immediately! _WE_ have Creator's rights!" demanded the pale orange humanoid on the screen.

High-_Tresham_ of the Maltarans, Pyron Deashar, stared at them in unabashed fury, cheeks going a deep purple of rage…blood changing colour with his emotions, colouring his entire skin a light purple colour, intermingling with the orange and raising the fins along his skull.

Chakotay, on the other hand, remained calm and impassive, "_Tresham_ Pyron, I can offer you our sincerest apologies, but there is no chance we are handing over our Crewmembers until you can actually prove they have committed a crime." He stated.

"Crime?" sputtered the Alien Ambassador, "You believe we wish the Honoured Ones back for a crime? Have you heard nothing we have said? The _Mai'ka'shar_ and their offspring are most important to us…return then immediately, refuse us and we shall consider it an act of War."

Chakotay turned to Tuvok, "Cut transmission."

The last they saw of _Tresham_ Pyron, was his incensed face, dual fins quivering from temples to spine…

He tapped his commbadge, "Chakotay to Janeway, we have a small problem…"

~)0(~

Anyone with half-a-mind knows, if there is a ticked-off Klingon in the area…run for it! It apparently ran true for pregnant half-Klingon females…

However, some of the Engineering Crew weren't so lucky…

The Chief Engineer stalked into the room, glaring at everyone; Main Engineering had never seemed so busy, as people became overly-animated to avoid being confronted with her full wrath, which worked for the most part…

~)0(~

Finally, having had enough of the malfunctioning gel-pack in Jefferies Tube 197, B'Elanna let out a fierce cry of anger; throwing down her tricorder in frustration, she pushed herself against the wall of Jefferies Tube. Breathing hard, she clenched her fists; forcing tears of days of fear, longing and worry…back down, refusing to cry in front of a sub-ordinate.

On the contrary, Vorak, her Vulcan engineer merely waited patiently for her to regain control, but offered, "Lieutenant Torres, I understand it is natural for females of all species –including Vulcans- to have irrational hormone-induced reactions to certain situations. Suppressing such a reaction could be detrimental to your health."

Which, if she knew her Vulcan, meant, "_It's okay to cry, I won't tell anyone…_"

So she did.

~)0(~

"Doctor, if understood what you just said, correctly…" stated the Captain, pacing in a circle, one hand on her hip and the other extended before her, fingers spread and gesturing. The hologram turned to stare at her, "Then you will have understood that both children have significant genetic components from either parent, which would be Ensign Kim and Lieutenant Paris, over there," he nodded to the two crewmembers.

Both suddenly very still…

"At least, if my hypothesis holds true, then it will explain the slight rearrangement of their internal organs to some degree, not to mention the genetic markers indicative of parentage in both infants. If my theory is correct, and with the level of hormones residing in either of their bodies I would say it is definitely possible, then both of them carried a child, and- Captain, would you like to sit down?" asked the Doctor, concerned at her pale expression.

"No. I'm fine Doctor, just a lot to process all at once. How is this possible? Even if they could find a way for a male to carry a child, they were only gone just over a week…it's impossible…" she said, mind whirring at the logistics of it all. "Oh, unless Q-…"

"It wasn't Q, Captain. It was the Maltarans…when we arrived, I think they were under the impression…well," The Ensign blushed and looked away, embarrassed. Tom, being Tom… finished his sentence, "They thought we were _Together,_ together and tried to help…"

~)0(~

TBC...

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	4. Chapter 4: YOU tell B'Elanna, I'll go in

**Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Voyager...:( Ah, well, I can still play with it's characters...:)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: YOU tell B'Elanna…I'll be in Hiding…<strong>

**~)0(~**

Fluttering about the Mess Hall, Neelix was swiftly cooking up a storm in his anxious wait for news; as the Ship's Morale Officer, his job was to care and cater to the Crew. Right now, he was determined to keep up their spirits, despite the uncertainty they faced with the new Maltaran threat.

The Talaxian was also anxious for the smiling faces of his favourite pair of pranksters to appear in his Mess Hall, for the most part, their antics greatly helped him in his role; but mostly, he was concerned, as he knew both Tom and Harry had been beamed aboard nearly six hours ago. And yet, he had heard no news, nothing…

He saw his favourite person –who never seemed to reciprocate the feeling, or any feeling at all, for that matter- enter the Mess, and bustled over. "Ah, Mr Vulcan! How can I help you today? I have some lovely _plomeek_ soup…?" he asked, excessively cheerfully; to which Tuvok raised an eyebrow, before answering, "No thank you, Mr Neelix. Is something bothering you, your greeting was 40% less enthusiastic than yesterday's…?"

"Oh, uh…Mr Tuvok, may I ask you something…?" he said, moving the Vulcan to a free table. He received another raised eyebrow, "Would this concern Ensign Kim and Lieutenant Paris, by any chance?"

"Ah! Perceptive as ever, I see! Yes…is something wrong? I haven't seen either of them, but I was told they were beamed aboard under fire." Smiled the ever-cheerful Neelix, fidgeting his hands with nervous energy; to which the Chief of Security replied, "They were beamed aboard under fire, you are correct. However, there were…complications, as to which I am also unaware; the only personnel aboard who know exact details of the situation are Commander Chakotay and Captain Janeway.

I suggest you ask one of them for more details, although, I suspect we will be briefed shortly on the situation. And, Mr Neelix…I have changed my mind…your _Plomeek_ Soup sounds…palatable…"

"Right away, Mr Vulcan!" beamed the Talaxian and bustled off, not noticing the faintest hints of a smile twitching at the corner of the Security Chief's lips…

~)0(~

Silence hung in the air.

Finally it was broken by the sound of the Captain's quizzical voice, "What would give them that impression…?" She frowned. Mr Paris answered that for her, "Well, apparently on their crazy planet, they mistook the way we got along so well and didn't complain about sharing a room together for-…oh, well…okay, _now_ I can see their point…but- I mean-…"

"Got you there Tom," smiled the Ensign, sitting up again and swinging his legs of the edge of the bed; a menacing glance from the Doctor halted any further movement. "Still, it was strange…we didn't even notice until about the third day there, during Peace Talks between the Maltarans and Libra'ans; when the High-_Tresham_, Pyron, asked us if we were bound…or wanted children…

We were understandably confused, not having any idea what he was talking about, but smiled back in that _What-are-you-talking-about?_ Way, as anyone would. He kind of got incensed, so we agreed to go through with some customary thing or other in order to re-gain his trust.

He said it was an Ancient Ritual all who travels the walks of life together must undertake to be considered honourable. To be honest, I was kind of against it, but Tom…well, you know Tom…couldn't keep his mouth shut and spent the next day and a half wheedling me into it…I only gave in so he would _shut up _and give me a moment's peace!"

Lieutenant Paris snorted, "_Pah_! You make it sound like I was some annoying little brother, pestering you until you gave in and took me out for ice-cream! For your information, once I finished pestering you, you were _more_ than willing to go along with the Ceremony-thingy, so it's half your fault too!"

"_My fault_?" said the startled Ensign, "How is this _my_ fault? You were all pro-strange creepy ritual, and you know B'Lanna convinced the crew to vote me "Most Likely to find Bad Things in the Dark"! How did you think entering into something unknown with a bunch of vague, platitude-spouting aliens, was a good idea?"

"Hey! To be fair-" started Tom, before another voice joined the verbal battle…

"Gentleman…or should I say children?...tone it down a little, please. I just want to know, _What Happened?_" Janeway said, sighing and rolling her eyes at the ceiling, rubbing her forehead to assuage the oncoming headache.

Luckily, the Doctor happened to be psychic, and administered an analgesic via Hypospray, to the side of her neck; she grimaced at the hiss, but smiled at the relief it offered. "Now, you two need to calm down and give _the facts_. _Just_ the Facts, got it?"

"Fine…" whined the Helmsman, "Alright, so after I tricke- uh, _persuaded_ Harry to go through with their ceremony so they would continue to let us mediate their Peace Talks; we were taken to these caverns, below their main city. It was a mixture of nature and their technology, which is pretty advanced, to say the least…

Their soil is different, due to the differing levels of solar radiation their planet receives over countless centuries and the reaction of the minerals in it to the light levels; so the layers we witnessed up the walls of the caverns looked less like walls and more like horizontal rainbows…

I know Harry took some scans discreetly, if you want to look…Anyway, so, we were in this weird place and crystals started shooting out from the rocks all around us, I have to admit, it did freak me out a little. When we finally got to this Altar thingy, there were lots of them there…Maltarans _everywhere!_

_And-…"_

Suddenly the babies started to cry, Harry shot off the bed and over to their temporary crib, lifting out the little girl and making hushing sounds at the boy, as Tom took his time to haul himself off the Bio-bed.

"Hey, hey, little guy…it's okay…shhh!" The helmsmen cooed at the child, much to the amusement of a certain Captain and Doctor…

~)0(~

Her duties were quite clear and documented for the day; therefore, she felt minor irritation when she received the command from Chakotay, but, as always…realized Resistance was Futile, and so, went to deliver the message.

Passing many other personnel in the corridors, she avoided personal contact; she still felt uncomfortable being around hu-… other humans…but she would adapt, it was her nature.

Striding to the Sick Bay doors, she waited impatiently as the doors swished open to reveal the Doctor, Captain, Lieutenant Paris and Ensign Kim, the two latter holding…infants? Nevermind, she was here to perform a duty, and that she would do to peak efficiency. "Captain, Commander Chakotay has sent me here to deliver a message: 'Run for your lives, B'Elanna is coming and she's been in a foul mood all day long, even Vorak has admitted to having 'Concern for his own personal safety'. I have not been able to dissuade her from coming, prepare yourselves…'

Is this sufficient warning, Captain, or would you have me adjust my route so as to stall her? I calculate she will arrive in approximately 27 seconds."

"Thank you, Seven, but I don't think it will be necessary." Smiled Janeway, watching the door.

~)0(~

"Tom, Harry…B'Elanna's coming, and she's not happy," the soft voice broke through their thoughts, Tom began pale considerably; Harry smiled sympathetically, "_Nice knowing you_…"

TBC...

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	5. Chapter 5: Darling, I have Something to

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, Star Trek Voyager or any of it's characters, merely put them in weird situations such as this for my own amusement...**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: Darling, I have something to tell you…<strong>

**~)0(~**

"Alright, what is going on here? Where's- …Tom? You're alright! I was so-…who's that?" came the forceful voice of Lieutenant Torres, as she erupted through the Infirmary doors.

The ever-intrepid Lieutenant Paris faltered, seeming unsure which half-asked question to answer first… "Uh, hi, B'Elanna! I can explain…" he started.

The half-Klingon Chief Engineer growled low in her throat, ready to launch a tirade, but paused, catching sight of the child that Harry also held, rocking it slightly to calm the gentle wailing it gave off. Her fingers twitched slightly, and, upon seeing this, the Ensign turned and handed the child over…

~)0(~

"B'Elanna…?" Tom asked cautiously, edging towards her as she stared down at she child in surprise and wonder, she laughed softly, "Harry, if I didn't know better, I'd say she has your eyes…what's her name?"

"Vala, and…you may have been closer than you think with that last statement…" he looked to Tom for support. The Lieutenant looked back, nodding, "B'Elanna we have to tell you something…On that planet, with the Maltarans…something happened…it isn't easy to explain."

"Why don't you just give her the abridged version up to where you left off, and then explain how these little miracles came to be…" smiled the Captain, expression leaving no mistake; abridged version only!

"Alright, so we were on Arctos 4, for the Peace Talks and…"

~)0(~

"For the last time, _Tresham_ Pyron, we do not simply hand over our crewmembers to anyone who asks, it's simply against Starfleet Policy. I'm afraid you'll have to take it up with the Captain when she returns from her away-mission." Bluffed the Commander, relaxed posture hiding the tense feeling that was spreading throughout his body…

"I Demand their return, Commander! They were bound to us in our most sacred of rituals and-…" bristled the diplomat, but Chakotay raised a hand to silence him, "Did they actually _know_ what you were doing to them? Did they even _understand _what was happening?"

Pyron faltered... "Understanding is not required, they simply are…"

Chakotay smiled, ferally, he had him now…

~)0(~

"…so then there was this altar-thingy, and smoke, lots and lots of smoke…it was purple, I think…but things get fuzzy after that…Harry?" asked Tom, turning to the Ensign. Who was, in turn, watching B'Elanna bounce his daughter into a blissful sleep.

"Well, I remember there was a lot of chanting, and I think someone…someone cut us…" he trailed off and raised the right sleeve of his Dress Uniform, to reveal a large scar trailed diagonally up from his wrist to the middle of his forearm. Purple tendrils seemed to reach out under his skin, but no further up the arm…strange…

Tom passed his son, Xander, over to the Captain and hastily yanked up his own sleeve; the exact same marking was there. The Doctor looked appalled, instantly running a medical tricorder over the wounds and finding no anomaly recorded…

"I-I don't understand it…the scars aren't showing up on my scans, it doesn't make sense!" cried the Doctor, staring in disbelief at the piece of technology in his hands; muttering quietly under his breath…

"Well, apart from that…I know someone tied a sash around us both, but not much after that until we woke up in a large room full of cushions…with enough food spread out on a nearby table to kill an army of Klingons…which is saying something. " smiled Harry, before continuing, "But then, they seemed really pre-occupied with getting us to be near each other, sighing every time we touched –let me rephrase that- whenever we bumped hands reaching for the same thing or that time Tom shoved me over into pillow mountain.

It was really starting to freak me out, to be honest. That's when we worked it out…"

"By the Way," interjected Tom, "There's no way to tell them they have it all wrong, they just laugh and comment about how funny you are…So, we just kinda went with it, I mean, would it harm us to be fake-married -or whatever that ceremony was- on an alien world for a few days, if it helped us interact with the Maltarans on a closer level…we could live with it."

"It did, by the way," continued the Ensign, "They seemed to trust us implicitly after we went through the whole thing, so we play-acted the whole thing…I swear, if you ever call me 'Sweetheart' again, I will kill you!" He glared at the helmsman, who was looking down on his son.

Tom turned back to look at his friend, a slow grin spreading over his features, "I'm sorry, what did you say…Sweetheart?"

Only the baby in his arms prevented Harry from throttling him…

~)0(~

"Alright boys, calm down," refereed Janeway standing between the two with a hand raised to either, "Tom, stop calling Harry …Sweetheart…" she near-choked on the word, but remained composed long enough to deliver her statement. That line was going directly on her ever-growing, 'Things she Never Thought She'd Say as Captain' List…

Tom smirked, "Fine, there's lots of other names I have-…" Janeway cut him off with a glare, "Or I could just be very quiet whilst Harry finishes the story…" She nodded in agreement.

~)0(~

Harry smiled, a definite self-satisfied smirk, and continued, "Well, it was on day five that things really started to get strange…High-_Tresham_ Pyron was being exceptionally friendly that day, more than usual. I mean, negotiations were going well, so it was to be expected…but still, when he started asking us about…well, _us_, rather than the newly-formed Treaty…

So, it was during a meal break, when he approached the both of us…and we were smiling back, looking all couple-y…especially with Tom's arm around my waist…explain to me why _I_ had to be the woman…?"

Janeway made a small coughing noise in the back of her throat, stilling the brewing argument before any words were said that would undo the entire situation…

"He was very interested in what we saws for the future, even offered us a room in the colossal mansion-like Palace he inhabited with his family, close personal friends, high-ranking officials and the Council of Elders. All of them had their own rooms in differing sections and levels, according to rank and relation; he actually offered us a suite designated on the second level of the ten-story building, the level designated for Family and the closest of Friends.

It was as if…they never intended us to leave, at the time we were honoured, but we soon found out the truth…"

TBC...

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	6. Chapter 6: The Maltarans have NO Sense

**Disclaimer: You all know the drill, if I owned Star Trek: Voyager [which I don't] this would be an episode...or a series, as I keep dragging the damn thing out so long...**

**Sorry it took so long, I had a dozen ideas and they all kind of just...fought for fic-space in this story...Enjoy this chapter and Please REVIEW!  
><strong>

**Reviews make me post faster!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 6: The Maltarans Have no Sense of Humour…<strong>

**~)0(~**

Seven of Nine, former Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix 001, began to feel uncomfortable in the proximity of the others, and was thankful for the interruption caused by Chakotay's call to the Captain. Janeway tapped her commbadge, "Chakotay, what's going on?"

He responded swiftly, "Captain, Tuvok and I believe we have a way to negotiate…but they are requesting we send a delegate to their ship…It's a trap, I'm certain of it, but we should still send someone…I was thinking…Seven."

"Agreed, she'll meet you in Transporter Room 1 in two minutes, Janeway Out." She tapped her commbadge officiously and cut their connection. Turning to her, Janeway said, "Seven, do you agree with this? I can always call Chakotay back and-…"

"No, the plan is adequate; I will require no other assistance. Thank you for your concern, however, I must leave now in order to meet Commander Chakotay in the Transporter Room." Janeway smiled at her and nodded in acknowledgement; Seven turned and left the Sick Bay…

~)0(~

B'Elanna was making funny faces at Vala, an unusual sight to see and yet, such a rare thing was one to savour intently…burning it into the back of his mind for later; for they all knew her hormones –though currently on a high- would come crashing down shortly and everyone would suffer. Pregnant Klingon females were like that…

Volatile at best… And at Worst…well, needless to say, anyone with sense would get into the nearest escape pod…

Harry's eyes watched every movement his close friend made, always watching…it wasn't that he didn't _trust_ B'Lanna implicitly with his life, but…this was technically his _child_ and anyone could be forgiven for having a momentary panic attack when not holding onto said infant…

As if sensing his discomfort, Tom sidled up to his wife and whispered audibly, "Honey, maybe you'd like to hold Xander for a moment, you know, before Harry freaks out completely from daughter-deprivation." He jested. The half-Klingon's mouth parted in a small 'Oh' of surprise as she beheld the wide-eyed face of Ensign Kim, seemingly caught off guard that either he wasn't doing a good enough job at portraying a calm demeanour…or Tom could read him better than before. The Chief Engineer swiftly passed the babe back to him, and the tension built up in his shoulders dissipated…

She did look kind of put out, however, until Xander was placed into her arms.

Kathryn Janeway, Captain of Voyager and all-round Mother hen cleared her throat, moving over to Harry in unison with The Doctor, "I'm certain we'd all like to know a little more about the _children_-…I mean, Vala and Xander." Looking clearly on the infant's face she drew in a soft breath, "She really does have your eyes Harry, but her hair…what there is of it…is most definitely a sandy blonde…" Ensign Kim beamed, "Takes after her father then…" and laughed softly, alongside Tom Paris' tremulous laughter; the other's eyes upon his very pregnant wife to make certain he knew the exact second to cease making all noise.

"Okay…smoke…pillows…scars…oh yes, so High-_Tresham _Pyron had just pretty much invited us for a permanent sleepover at his place," interjected Tom with his side of the story, "and was even kind enough to show us around. We thought nothing of it, even when it was revealed all our belongings had been carefully arranged in the room's draws, bathrooms and closets; and then we discovered they meant us to stay there that night and beyond…as far as I was concerned, I just wanted a go in the giant hot tub arrangement! It blew all different kinds of bubbles…" He sighed longingly, looking off to the side and seemingly imaging just such a structure before him.

~)0(~

Xander began to wail softly, the keening cry of a new-born working up to full pitch there and then. The Doctor ran his tricorder over the child and hummed a little at the results, "He appears to be hungry, not unnatural for an infant of his age-range, nearest I can tell, that is giving the _limited information_ you two have supplied." The verbal barb was not malicious, but it's intent was clear…he wanted to know more about the origins of their current predicament.

"Pray tell me, what exactly _have_ you two been feeding them?" Scientific curiosity outweighed any modesty or embarrassment he should have felt at asking such a question…after all, such emotions were not in his programming.

Harry looked to Tom, Lieutenant Paris pulling some form of object out of his shirt and fiddling with numerous buttons; in an instant, with a whirring click, the flat disc popped up into a vague bottled shape and began to fill with a milky-substance of a vaguely purplish tinge. "It's called '_Kleckta_' or something weird like that, I wasn't really paying a lot of attention at the time they gave this lecture, it was right after…well…" he blushed an interesting shade of red that damn near matched his shirt.

The tricorder wand ran over the canister, "Am I to assume such a device contains a compacted form of the liquid, activated upon touch…?" inquired The Doctor, to which Tom nodded dumbly before disengaging the 'bottle' and handing it to B'Lanna; who, with a minimum of fussing and experimentation, managed to slip it between the wailing lips of the fretting baby boy and quieten his cries to nothing.

"Now, back to the story!" prompted the Captain, with her '_Out-With-It-As-I-Am-Not-In-The-Mood_' Expression firmly clamped upon her features…

~)0(~

Striding down the corridor without undue haste, Seven of Nine calculated her optimal arrival time to be well within the set time limit at this current speed; although was forced to deviate and alter course as the corridor before her exploded into flame and sparking electrical conduits…

~)0(~

Clinging to the arms of the Command Chair as a green wave of energy slammed against their shields and breached, Chakotay grimly slid back into what had become known as the 'Captain gonna kick some tail' position [amongst the younger crewmembers] on the intimidating black of the chair. "Ensign Wildman, recalibrate the shields to a rotating frequency, and take all non-essential systems offline," he barked at Naomi's mother, who had temporarily taken over Harry's role at the Ops Station. The blonde hurried to acquiesce his request, fingers flying over the various screens, prompts and commands to re-engage the shields on a higher power level and disengage entire secondary systems; he could almost see the frantic workings of her mind. He vaguely acknowledged her announcing Decks twelve through nineteen had experienced hull ruptures and no casualties were reported as of yet; inquiring automatically if repair teams had been sent, and nodding absently at the confirmation given.

Turning to Tuvock he met the Vulcan's eye and nodded, "Mr Tuvock, locate the source of that energy pulse and disable it immediately…"

There was a second's silence as he efficiently manipulated the stream of data being fed through the console, and then he looked up, "Commander, it appears the weapons systems are intricately linked with the Maltarans' Life Support Systems…sensors also indicate women and children aboard the ship. Ethically we cannot-…" Chakotay held up a hand, as he had often seen the Captain do and mirrored the expression she always held as best he could. "We cannot fire on that ship, no. Way I see it…we need to leave here immediately. Ensign," he called to the young woman sitting in the Pilot's seat…who noticeably flinched, "Set a course for the Third Planet just beyond this Solar System, Mark one-twenty-seven by Mark three-eighty-five…Warp three. Engage!"

And the stars began to blur…

~)0(~

Feeling the shudder, Janeway held up a hand to stall Tom's forthcoming explanation and tapped her commbadge, "Chakotay, report! What the Hell is happening to my ship?" There was a moment's pause, during which the face of the Captain went from concerned to very, scarily grave…until the Commander's voice came over the commbadge, "Sorry about that Kathryn, little turbulence thanks to some form of energy pulse the Maltarans hit us with. A few minor hull breaches but nothing we can't handle…I'm sending Tuvock down to Sick Bay. Chakotay Out."

Janeway frowned, but didn't question her First Officer; after all, if she trusted him to make decisions in her absence –and this most certainly was one- shouldn't she give him the benefit of the doubt, no matter how strange they seemed? She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose with a weary hand, but turned back to the scene before her; The Doctor was surreptitiously running a scan over Harry Kim while the young Ensign was occupied with his daughter.

She tilted her head towards the Office that inhabited the Infirmary and the EMH laid down the Tricorder, walking over there without a word. Her fingers tapped upon the desk in an almost anxious rhythm, "Well?" she demanded of the silent hologram, her eyes narrowed into –what the younger crewmembers refer to as- her 'Command Face'. Which, for any non-reprogrammable members of the crew, usually meant _run like hell and hope she's not mad at YOU_…in the Doctor's case, it stood for _out with it or I'll get B'Elanna or Harry to do something you will most certainly not enjoy…_

"It…from the limited medical readings I can get from the pair, considering the equipment didn't even register those horrific scars, it appears the babes are indeed theirs; both infants bear the combined genetics of both Harry Kim and Tom Paris. However, as you will have noticed beforehand with Ensign Kim's apparent reluctance and tension whenever another was holding Vala, they actually have a biological and…I would hazard using the word 'genetic' or even 'neurological' here, but it seems they are _directly linked _to the children. I can only propose that it must be a genetic modification made to strengthen the bond between parent and child, thus lessening the chance of rejection of the infant…such a thing is not unheard of in many species in the Alpha Quadrant…" he trailed off, eyes vague for a moment as The Doctor scrolled through terabytes of information in seconds, looking for…whatever it was.

The Captain snapped him from this technological reverie, "So you're saying…even if we were to reach an agreement with the Maltarans to return the infants –and that's only a vague, distant _if_, understand- separating them would actually cause more than just psychological trauma to Harry and Tom?" she asked, surmising his entire diatribe in a pointed question. Mouth open to reply, seemingly at a loss for how to explain it further, The Doctor pressed his lips into a firm line and merely nodded.

Steepling her hands, Kathryn sighed and pressed her forehead against the tightly-crossed fingers; this day had gone from bad to worse, an entire race almost as advanced as their own had gone from potential ally to bitterest enemy without so much as a true pause to reflect on the events that had lead down that path… It seemed the only way to reconcile with these Maltarans, was to hand over two of her crewmembers…not something she would be doing any time soon…or ever, as long as she remained Captain!

Calming herself inwardly, a soft smile pasted across her features, she left the office to see if she could finally wring the rest of the story from the besotted pair…

~)0(~

Jerking up his head at the sound of his name, Harry was forced to break eye-contact with –what he considered to be- the most perfect babe in all of existence…of course, he might be a _little biased_…but who could blame him? Vala had his eyes, that was certain, but her nose –and most noticeably, her _hair_- were that of Tom… Likewise, Xander was overtly Tom, eyes, nose, build…but there was a sliver of Harry reflected in the soft shape of his face and the colour, and silky texture of his hair; that could not be ignored.

"Wha- Oh, I'm sorry Captain," he blushed a little, "I- uh, could you repeat that last bit please…? I wasn't really…" Captain Janeway almost smirked as she replied, "Listening? Yes, I can see that. How about you hand her over to me and you can finish the story where you left off…" It was an open invitation, but the underlying taste of an order slipped in between the soft command. Vala cooed loudly and turned in his arms, a small hand protruding to grasp at the Command Red of Janeway's uniform as she transferred arms.

"I, uh, yes…okay, so we'd just been moved into the Palace _Tresham_-Pyron and those close to him inhabited; it took a few hours to get used to the constant stream of people entering and leaving the room at all points, but we managed. It wasn't until night fell that I finally worked out the strange glances they'd been throwing all day long at us were of a more…puzzled nature than they originally presented… Maltarans lack…let's run with _Modesty_ when it comes to certain…"

Harry paused and squirmed on the spot, searching for the right words…and then Tom was there, a hand resting lightly on the unclad scar on his arm and speaking, "Horizontal Activities? Or indeed, any of the other angles involve- _ugh, Hey_! Ow…!" B'Elanna had smacked him over the back of the head, raising an eyebrow at the bluntness of the statement…or had it been at the casual way in which he held Harry's arm…?

"Alright, children, enough." Admonished Janeway, also noting the manner in which tense shoulders relaxed under contact with the other; it did not escape her notice that dark eyes watched her every move, never leaving the tiny, beautiful face of Vala at any point. Harry cleared his throat, Tom's hand fell away and the Pilot looked at it in astonishment as if wondering why…but he continued to speak, "Well, moving on- at the State Dinner that night –to celebrate the First of many Treaties to be signed between the Maltaran and Libra'an peoples- Pyron sat exceptionally close and just…well, _watched_ us interact. It was…kind of creepy, to be honest, but we persevered as if everything was normal. Well, as normal as an away-mission where you're forcibly married to your best friend, can be…

Suddenly, the meal was over and he'd steered us out to the Balcony for some reason; Tresham Pyron proceeded to point out stars and constellations, telling numerous stories, legends and heroic deeds of their Gods to us as we reclined on this strange, spongy plant-bed thing. At some point he turned to us and said, '_These are the stories we tell our children when sleep is short, tell me…do you ever…forgive my forwardness, but have you ever wished for children?_' and then _someone who shall not be named_ opened his big mouth!" Harry shot a dirty look at the suddenly saint-like Lieutenant standing slightly behind his pregnant half-Klingon shield, his eyes snapped off some riveting point in the ceiling's design to look at Harry with a shocked –almost hurt- and surprised expression. "Who…me?" he inquired.

~)0(~

Something twitched dangerously beneath Harry's left eye, "Yes you, you- you- argh! There isn't a word to describe you!" Tom smirked, his shoulders shaking at something…Janeway's mind whirred, eyes widening and made to keep him silent before- too late. "Argh? _Soooooooo_…you're a pirate now? Impressive, a space-pirate AND a Mummy?" he inquired, eyes distant, obviously envisioning some appropriate holo-program he'd designed or would in future.

Only the restraining hand of the EMH stopped Harry from leaping over B'Elanna and throttling the grinning fool, as Janeway sighed, "_Boys…_" A flush of pink tinged two pairs of cheeks as the pair suddenly realised the other non-restraining presences in the room, "Sorry Captain! Alright, Harry, finish the awkward story…" urged Paris, looking down on Xander, who B'Elanna was avidly burping over her shoulder.

"Right…" grumbled the Ensign, less than eagerly, "So, the awkward question was hanging in the air and _someone_ obviously decided to take the cavalier, 'What the Hell?' approach and replied, "_Oh, you know, we've always wanted a little girl and boy…average family and all that…_" Slipping his hand about my waist and drawing me close…you have _no idea_ how much I wanted to set my phaser to anything other than '_Stun_' at that moment. Of course, Tom was grinning, so I played along, thinking it was all purely hypothetical…but Pyron… Well, he was nodding really seriously, as if considering what we'd said on a deep level…and suddenly I had this _really bad feeling_…

Turns out, I was right…"

**_TBC..._**

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